SG, my husband of almost six years, left today to work in another state for the next two years.
His work is highly seasonal, so it was normal for us for him to leave for a couple of months at a time in the spring and fall, and then one year he worked in Nebraska the whole year, which was awful for many reasons, the least of which was him being gone.
Two years, though.
That’s a long time.
I got used to the cycle of him being home long enough for me to be glad he was leaving for a few months, then being gone long enough for me to be glad he was home. The line between wanting to have hot, sweaty sex with your lover and wanting to strangle your spouse because for the eleventy-thousandth time he’s left the toilet paper for YOU to put on the roller is thin. Razor thin at times. But we’ve lived that cycle for a number of years, it worked for us, maybe not in an always ideal fashion, but enough to keep us going.
This? Is a whole different animal.
Since the day he got the offer we’ve had a great many long conversations, too many of them ending in yelling or tears. We’ve talked about everything from ‘maybe he’s not coming back’ to ‘of course he’s coming back.’ Ultimately we settled on holding this thing we’ve got together. I’m mostly thankful that we could reach that decision together. For a lot of folks, I guess, there wouldn’t be any question of whether or not your marriage was in jeopardy because of such a long situation, but we’re a couple of old dogs who have both been through the divorce wringer a time or two, and as much as we love each other we’re also strong personalities and we’ve had our share of conflict.
We don’t necessarily share a path or a circle; at some point or another both our paths and our circles intersect, and for some people maybe that doesn’t make much of a relationship, but for us I think it’s the only way we can actually HAVE a relationship.
I’m a horse junkie. My extra time and extra money, when I have them, are spent riding, caring for, and supporting my four horses. I have two pasture pets, a big 13-year-old gelding I’ve been riding most of the last six years, and a lovely 3-year-old filly who just finished her first 60 days of training. We take lessons and we trail ride, mostly, although at some point I’ll probably want to take this mare to some shows.
SG likes the horses fine, probably even loves them, but he’s not a horse person. He occasionally talks about us buying him a horse so he could ride with me, but frankly his skill level makes me uncomfortable taking him on the trail, and I don’t want the expense of feeding and vetting yet another horse who will barely be ridden. Besides, I most often trail ride with one or two close friends, and that’s not necessarily time I want to share with him or give up for him.
SG’s passion is Libertarian politics. He’s constantly trying to wrap his arms around writing a book or starting a podcast or writing and playing songs with Libertarian themes. He spends a very great deal of time discussing (or arguing) politics on Facebook with anyone who cares to engage with him. He wants to change the world.
Each of us has, as SG often says, a higher than average tolerance for solitude. I have a long daily commute to work, which in some ways fills that need. When he’s working, he’s by himself on his off hours, but when he’s home he is stuck in my house with my dogs, my cats, my kids, and the last two years, my widowed, disabled sister. One might imagine that this creates some conflict, and one might be considered correct.
These paragraphs, I believe, set a good deal of context for the current statue of affairs.
As I type this, he is somewhere on the road to Michigan. I went to work late this morning to spend a little time with him; we kissed each other goodbye like lovers, and then he got in an argument with my sister about NAFTA and things didn’t feel quite so lover-ly. We kissed some more, and I went to work and he went about loading up the last of his things in the car.
This blog, my newest presence online, is meant to be an honest account of our relationship and our lives for the next two years. I mean for it to be a place where I can explore my thoughts and feelings, as honestly as I am able. Probably no one will read it, now that personal blogging has fallen out of the spotlight, and I’m better than good with that. I need a box for my thoughts.
So here goes nothing. Or something. Who knows?